Self-indulgence was once my way of life. I was worth six figures as a salesman. I enjoyed the excess of an American Dream, but the finer things can never hope to replace a deeper need for purpose.

Then the Lord encountered me a year ago, he pulled me from a spiritual deathbed by revealing the terminal illness of apostasy in my life. I dropped everything to follow Him: I quit sales, sold my condo, dumped an $800 car payment and a troubled relationship. I was ready for more.

I searched for community in the church, but couldn’t seem to find anyone who really lived out the Biblical mandate of death-to-self. I prayed earnestly for months in search of a calling, and a place where faith was revered as something more than theoretical. Then, through a series of sovereignly interwoven events, I was brought to a Discipleship Training School in Kansas City.

My life will never be the same.

Previous to being here (after returning to the faith), I viewed the Lord as a teacher and disciplinarian. I obeyed God because it was a requirement. I obeyed because He knitted together the cosmos, and thus He makes the rules.

The love of God seemed as distant as a body of twinkling stars. “What an abstract concept,” I thought, whenever I would read about God’s surpassing love in Scripture. This was the same God who authored the near destruction of all of life through an apocalypse of water after all.

It was the words of one of our greatly anointed lecturers, Quovadis Marshall, which pierced the heart of this discipline-obsessed theology. The tip of the spear was the revelation that the Father’s love for us can be felt tangibly through the love of others.ab

Every expression of love is from God. Every expression of love is God. He bestowed the earth to man as our kingdom: God rules through man, and He uses man to express His love. This is why we are to be doers of the word and not merely hearers.

This was like a mic drop to my spirit. I finally realized I could feel the presence of God through the outpouring of affection from these lovers of Jesus all around me. I have felt a joy in three months within this little community that has surpassed a lifetime of running from high-to-high out in the world.

I will be on a plane landing in Thailand in a matter of days. My life is now a cup that runs over. YWAM KC has brought me to a place of spiritual readiness, and I am finally equipped to demonstrate the true Gospel of love from a position of abundance rather than mere religious obligation.

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