Lately, I’ve been a part of many discussions around the topic of singleness and “enjoying the season we’re in.”  Blame it on the holiday season or maybe my age (28), but nonetheless, this topic of being single has just kept coming back, like an old fashion trend of the 80’s.

And although I 100% believe we have to be fully committed and present in the season we’re in, I’ve found myself beginning to become irritated while in these conversations. What does it mean to be present and happy as a single?  Is it really a holding place until someone decides to marry me?  Am I  learning some huge lesson/being prepared to be a wife?

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?  (Whew…deep breath. Back to reality.)

But it was in the questioning that I found part of the answer.

Yes! To all of the questions above.

Everyone’s season of singleness can have different “goal,” but for me (and maybe for a few of you), this season of singleness is the sweet time you have to know yourself and the Lord better.  It’s the backside of the mountain that doesn’t have to be so tough when you understand the journey.  And the best part of this is that SEASONS change.

I imagine one day, I’ll look up from this journey and see I’ve made it over this metaphorical singleness mountain, transitioning into the beautiful decision of choosing to be in a relationship or not.  

But then the next question hit me… Am I ready?

I’ve been so set on being single that I’ve overlooked the beauty and the reason for the season.  There is growth and preparation supposed to be taking place.  In no way do I believe that we should enter one season into the next and not be changed, even if it’s just by a little.

Why wasn’t I doing the work?  I chose to hide behind the “Single Lady Anthem” and not deal with the hurt and brokenness… And that’s when it hit me.  I’m single because I’m afraid.

But His perfect love cast out all fear…[1 John 4:18]  and all I have to do is GO through my season to GROW.

My ultimate goal isn’t marriage. It is and HAS TO BE full healing completed by the love of Christ, to be confident in the woman that I am. I have to begin looking at being single not as a holding cell until someone chooses me, or a place that I choose to be, but as a place to grow! A place to be the best woman I can be.  In this realization, the discussions became easier to have.

Maybe there’s a beautiful man to marry at the end of this journey, maybe there’s not.  But there is one guarantee at the end of this beautiful season, and it’s that  I WILL COME UP LEANING ON MY BELOVED [Song of Solomon 8:5] and I will love the woman that emerges.

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