My father was emotionally absent throughout my childhood. Even though he took care of all the necessities of life, he was and always has been emotionally unavailable. I was constantly seeking for his approval and his love. And due to this relationship with my dad, I had a distorted perspective about what being a father looked like. I felt unworthy of anyone’s love and would try to please men to get them to love me. I was needy and easily hurt. My relationships with men were messy, and it was a constant, twisted cycle of hatred and jealousy. I began to realize that I was intentionally setting myself up to be hurt by men because that’s all I knew from my broken relationship with my family.
In February, I attended the Missional Family conference held at YWAM KC. It was here that my perspective on men completely shifted. During the last day of the conference, the Holy Spirit moved my heart to forgive my biological father. He told me how much I had been hiding the pain and wounds from my father in the deepest parts of my heart. As soon as I heard Allen Hood speaking about how God is “a father to the fatherless,” my heart immediately sank and tears began to stream down my face. I had listened to this message several times, but the Holy Spirit touched me that night. He invited me to call out to Him and told me that I needed to cast all my worries and pains on Him.
I realized that my biological father is not perfect due to being an imperfect human being, just like the rest of us. And God revealed to me that no man, no human can perfectly love me. But He can, the perfect Father who gives me a perfect, unconditional love. Even though my earthly father did not meet my needs when I was young, God promised me that He is my father and that I am His beloved daughter.
2 Corinthians 6:18 says, “I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
That night, I received healing in my broken heart. All of the fear I had in life toward men, and all the rejection and unforgiveness I felt towards my father… All of it broke off as I received the Heavenly Father’s perfect love.